Watch and Learn

Would you rather follow a fine-print instruction manual or just have someone show you how to do it? I’d pick the latter. I learn best by example. Last month my husband Mark and I visited his side of the family in California. I’d like to share what I learned from a few role models.

Mark’s father Tony has dementia. He no longer drives, but he is fully—albeit slowly—mobile. He takes care of his own hygiene. He likes to hang out with his dog Benji. He still makes jokes. He seems mellow and agreeable. And he appears to enjoy a simple life. Most of the time, I think he knew who Mark and I were. He did repeat a story or two.

I am so thankful for Tony’s wife Leslie, our sweet stepmother. Anyone who has cared for a person with dementia can appreciate the challenges she faces daily. Leslie has accepted her role with grace and good humor.

I see two practices in Leslie’s life that have helped her not merely survive but also thrive. She gets up early every morning before Tony awakens, and she goes to the gym. The regular exercise, no doubt, helps her manage her stress and stay healthy. And this routine allows her to have some time by herself each day.

Leslie has also developed a good support system among her neighbors. She has good people close-by with whom she can talk and laugh. Just before our arrival, one of her neighbors dropped off a dessert.

The day before the reunion started, Mark and I went with his mom to visit her brother Phil and his wife Cindy. They made us feel so welcome and loved in their home. Cindy dug out some old family photographs. I was especially intrigued by the ones of Mark’s great-grandparents Ben and Viola Nall. Ben ran a dry-goods store in Norwood, Missouri. On Sundays, he preached, and Viola played the piano at their church.

You never know what you may be called upon to do in a later season of life. I am encouraged and inspired by Leslie’s example of patient perseverance.

Mark and I also stayed with his mother Marilyn and our dear stepfather Harold. Mark’s two sisters Cheryl and Angela (and some of their peeps) also flew into town to attend a big reunion. Marilyn is amazing! She looks and acts like a woman half her age. She is totally fun to be around, and she makes us laugh. Mark, his sisters, and I are Marilyn’s biggest fan club. Oh, that we could age so gracefully!

Cindy then showed me Viola’s hymnbook. To play from a book that would stay open at the piano, Viola had cut and pasted songs on loose-leaf paper in a binder. Beside each hymn, she had written down the relevant Bible verses. One song in particular caught my attention—probably because I’m a writer. I’m not familiar with the tune “How Reads Your Life-Book?” but I like the words. Take a moment to read them yourself.

Whether you like it or not, your life is an open book. And people read it daily. Just as I look to others for inspiration, I imagine that others are also reading my life-book.

Moreover, people aren’t the only ones paying attention. A more contemporary song called “Hands of the Potter,” by Caedmon’s Call, has a line that I love:

I like the analogy of our lives as a book to be read or a song to be heard. Both of these activities require that a reader or a listener is paying attention. And you can be certain that someone is always paying attention. So, pay attention. Pick a good example. Be a good example.

 

 

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