Thirty Things I’ve Learned in 30 Years of Marriage

Today Mark and I celebrate our 30th Wedding Anniversary. Praise the Lord! In honor of the occasion, I have generated a list of things I have learned over the years. Many of them apply to human relationships in general, not just to marriage. But none of these ideas is mine alone. Wise King Solomon once said that there is nothing new under the sun. I do believe, however, that there is value in discovering a thing for yourself, testing it over time, and determining it to be true. May God bless you in all your relationships.

1. First of all, love is patient. If you remember nothing else, patience will take you far.
2. You can’t say “thank you” or give encouragement too often.
3. A gentle response turns away anger.
4. Praise in public; critique in private.
5. “If it’s important to you, then it’s important to me.”
6. Flexibility is the key to mental health.
7. The little things are the big things.
8. Never forget you are both on the same team.
9. There is always something for which you can apologize.
10. A good sense of humor keeps the gears well-oiled.
11. Embrace laughter.
12. Delight in your partner’s idiosyncrasies.
13. You don’t just marry an individual; you unite with a family and inherit its history.
14. Doesn’t “mother-in-love” sound nicer than “mother-in-law”?
15. It ain’t just the plumbing, honey: men and woman are wired differently too. (And that’s a good thing.)
16. Your husband is not a mind reader. Don’t send signals; use words.
17. A husband cannot meet all your emotional needs. You still need your girlfriends.
18. A man’s feeling of self-worth is intricately linked with his work.
19. Men need respect foremost; women need love.
20. It is easier for men to compartmentalize different areas of their lives than it is for women.
21. Men talk to communicate; women talk to commune.
22. Be patient, ladies. Men really do have trouble finding things. Research shows that men are better at spotting rapidly-moving stimuli than stationary objects. That’s why they make good hunters. Remember: the ketchup bottle in the fridge is not an 8-point buck.
23. G.P.S. is a gift to marriage! Nowadays ladies seldom have to stew about not stopping to ask for directions. For a woman, it is no big deal to admit, “We are lost and need help.” But to suggest that to a man is like saying, “I don’t trust you to find the way, to be our leader.”
24. Time your important conversations wisely. When your spouse is hungry, tired, stressed, or preoccupied, save your thoughts for later.
25. Don’t make important decisions when you are weary or overwhelmed.
26. There are early birds, and there are night owls. And they often share the same nest. Make peace with your partner’s internal clock.
27. Respect one another’s space.
28. We each have “landmines” buried in our emotional landscape. These are unconscious associations that trigger pain. When you accidently step on one, and your partner overreacts, don’t take it personally.
29. Divide and conquer the duties of daily living according to your individual strengths and interests.
30. Relax. Most problems are just a little spit in the great ocean of life.

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