Spreading the Family Tree

The American family looks different than it did a hundred years ago. My mother, for example, came from a family of ten children. Large families were not unusual at the time. Farm living required many hands to milk the cows, feed the chickens, slop the hogs, bale the hay, hoe the corn, pick the beans, pickle the cucumbers, and can the tomatoes. But America gradually moved away from being a predominately agrarian society.

My mom proceeded to have just a single kid—me. I feel like I’ve had the best of two worlds: as an only child, I’ve benefited from the undivided attention and resources of my parents; as part of a large extended family, I’ve enjoyed the connectedness and support of a community. I’m blessed to belong to a big “tribe.” It’s fabulous that folks you barely know will take you in, feed you, and give you lodging simply because their grandmother shared a bed as a sister with your grandmother.

In the past, it was not usual for three generations to share a home or a least the same acreage. Extended families lived close enough to visit easily and gather frequently for chicken dinners or potlucks. Jell-O salad, deviled eggs, and banana pudding abounded. Looking at home movies with my husband Mark, he remarked that all of his aunts, uncles, and cousins got together regularly at his grandparents’ house. It was fun back then!

But today’s culture is much more mobile. People often move far away from their extended families to seek job opportunities or to pursue further education. My husband and I travel 2,400 miles from Virginia to California to visit his parents. And midpoint between the East Coast and the West Coast, we see his sisters living near Chicago. To complicate matters more, my husband and I live nine months each year on the other side of the Atlantic! Happily, our new technology allows us to stay in touch in a way unknown to previous generations.

Much has been gained by these changes; much has been lost. Many of us no longer share our daily lives with our family members. Some couples miss family support while raising young children. Others feel alone while caring for elderly parents. And so often, individuals become more and more isolated as they age. Travel is expensive and vacation time is limited. People have to make hard choices about how to spend their resources. We must be intentional and deliberate in planning family get-togethers. Often one person must take charge to make a reunion happen.

But no matter how far apart we are spread, people long to belong. In the book of Genesis, we read that God created Adam and placed him in the Garden of Eden. It was paradise—except for one thing: it was not good for the man to be alone. So, God created Eve to give Adam companionship. Humans are not meant to be solitary beings; we were created for community. Even God Himself exists as three-in-one: the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit unite in perfect fellowship.

So, what do you do if you find yourself flung to the far corners of the earth? You find or create a surrogate family. Your friends become your family. Your neighbors become your family. Your co-workers become a family. Your church and other organizations become a family. Blood may be thicker than water, as the old saying goes, but water is still good when you’re hot and tired and thirsty. It’s okay to spread the family tree and find shade under the grafted-in branches.

 

 

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