Anatomy of a Pajama Party

 

Once upon a time, I was chatting with an octogenarian who said, “The worst thing about growing old is that all of my friends are dying off.”

I replied, “Honey, you need to find yourself some younger friends.”

Taking my own advice for once, I became more intentional about making new friends–with women of all ages. And so began my tradition of hosting an annual pajama party for grown girls. This year we all dressed like Disney Princesses.

 

1. People

I’ve observed that as we age and grow comfortable in our social circles, we tend to spend time with the same folks. Only when we relocate are we forced to explore new relationships. I wanted to change that pattern in my own life.  As I looked out over the Sunday morning congregation at church, I saw many women whom I barely knew.  A quick “Hi, How are you?” while waiting in line to use the ladies room, doesn’t cut it. Even if we did get to the standard “Oh, I’m fine” reply in the conversation, the woman I’m addressing often has a small person tugging on her sleeve, demanding her attention.  We rarely get beyond the superficial.

Then I remembered how I made my first best friend, Dawn Ann, back in fifth grade:  I connected with her at a slumber party.  There’s nothing quite like hanging out in your pajamas, snacking on corn chips and dip, and sharing your most embarrassing moments to create a sense of familiarity. I decided that if it worked when I was ten, then it could work again in my fifties.

So for my first adult pajama party three years ago, I deliberately invited ladies I didn’t know, many of whom didn’t know one another.  Let’s all be adventurous together!

2. Place

Since I live in a condominium apartment with a husband and three fish, I realized I didn’t have room for an overnight she-gathering. But we had accrued some points by staying in a national hotel chain, and these I could redeem for a free night at a local establishment. I booked two rooms with a connecting door. Each room had two queen-sized beds, so I could host seven guests–the perfect number for group sharing. We also determined that 6:00 p.m. on a Friday night until the 11 a.m. check-out time on Saturday was the right time slot.

3. Program

Before the party, I asked each guest to give me a list of three little-known facts about herself. These I compiled into a scrambled list to make a guessing game. On Friday night after pizza, I handed out the lists and everyone marked her best guess as to which woman had submitted each tidbit. As we went around the room comparing answers, many of these facts prompted some interesting–and often hilarious–discussions.

I also invited each guest to bring a photo of her family so she could introduce us to her people. And then, just as in kindergarten, we took time for “Show & Tell.” Each woman brought a keepsake and shared its importance. The goal of these activities was to get to know one another better. At last, we descended into that she-gathering sweet spot where we talked and laughed about anything non-stop for five or six hours.

The next morning after the hotel’s complimentary breakfast–or not, for those who slept late–we regrouped for a devotional and prayed for each person. I’ve discovered that merriment paves the path for transparency and connection. And happily, the friendships I nurture with these sisters in Christ won’t end when I turn eighty; they will endure for eternity.

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