Got Joy? (Milk it for all it’s worth.)

Thirteen years ago, when my husband Mark and I were preparing to do humanitarian work in a developing African nation, I asked an experienced field worker for advice: “How do you survive and thrive in a hard place?” His answer surprised me: “Find many paths to joy.”

You don’t have to reside in Africa to live in a hard place. This year’s global pandemic has turned the world upside down. We could all benefit from more joy-filled lives.

Recently Mark and I attended a spiritual retreat at Restoration Farm in Crewe, Virginia, near Richmond. It is a beautiful setting for rest, renewal, and revival. In our small group discussions, our leader Tom shared a topic called “Relational Joy.” Many of his ideas were taken from Dr. Jim Wilder (Ph.D., Clinical Psychology, and M.A. Theology, Fuller Theological Seminary) who has been training leaders and counselors for over 27 years on five continents.

Dr. Wilder has been researching the effects of joy in brain science. I will be referencing his article “Joy Changes Everything.” Allow me to share some of his thoughts as well as my own reflections on joy.

1. Joy is incomplete until it is shared.

Imagine receiving an acceptance letter or a promotion. Imagine learning that your first grandchild has been born. What’s the first thing you want to do? You want to share your good news with another!

In Luke 15, we hear three parables about things that are lost: a sheep, a coin, and a son. When the missing one is found, the owner (or father) in each case does the same thing: he calls together all of his friends and neighbors to rejoice with him.

2. Joy is relational.

From the human brain perspective, writes Dr. Wilder, “Joy is a ‘glad to be together’ state amplified between two minds that are glad to be together at that moment. Joy is relational.”

We find joy in the presence of others. The apostle John wrote to his friends: “Though I have much to write to you, I would rather not use paper and ink. Instead I hope to come to you and talk face to face, so that our joy may be complete” (II John 1:12, ESV)

We find joy in the presence of God. The psalmist David wrote: “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (Psalm 16:11 ESV). One evidence of the Holy Spirit’s presence in the life of a believer is joy (Galatians 5:22).

3. Joy is the best motivator for change.

Dr. Wilder writes, “the brain is more deeply changed by who it loves (who brings me joy) than by what it thinks.” Moreover, joy is a better motivator than either duty or fear.

4. Joy helps us to endure.

“Joy,” says Dr. Wilder, “is equally powerful when we are in painful states. We feel very keenly if there is anyone who is glad to be with us when we are hurting. When we settle into the arms of a friend who rushed to the emergency room while we waited to see if a loved one would survive, we weep with relief rather than bounce with euphoria but it is joy all the same.”

Joy helped Jesus endure, and joy can help us endure. “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:1-2, ESV, italics mine).

Brain research demonstrates that joyful people are less impacted by traumatic experiences.

5. We can return to joy through story.

Our group leader at the retreat invited us each to recount a powerful personal story. The retelling of a positive story can bring as much joy to the teller as did the original experience itself. Moreover, by sharing, the teller invites others to receive his joy. The circle is unbroken. Joy is complete.

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